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Sic
Roused reader writes
ode to Mother Angelica
Just to clear the air: Sic has never, ever used the White House to
solicit either soft money or hard money for the Democratic National
Committee.
* * *
Mother Angelicas full of ire Because, like the
pope, she can never retire. And just like Sic and the Polish pope, too,
All that she says is infallibly true. In fact, if these three be put to the
test, In matters dogmatic, now Mother knows best.
* * *
When, some months ago, Sic expressed admiration for Mother
Angelicas holy jocularity and recommended an amazing fan club in her
honor, few saluted. But now come the lines quoted above -- to be sung to the
tune of Holy God, We Praise Thy Name, one of the few vernaculars
allowed at Angelicas televised Masses.
* * *
The Mother A aficionado, naturally, wishes to join the Amazing Big
Sic Mother Angelica Fan Club, and has written a rambling theme song that also
includes:
... Recently Mothers been in quite a
snit, Because at priests sides now wee altar girls sit. This, she
swore, she would never abide, Til John Paul declared they could never
preside. Now shes happy and filled with glee; A big blows
been struck to inclusivity!
(Where else can the average Catholic get good stuff like
this?)
* * *
Sic has always been puzzled at Democrats inability to match
Republicans in the key areas of greed and corruption. Theyre forever
getting caught. Imagine the indignity of having Republicans, of all people,
tell you what you need is a special prosecutor.
You know where Al Gore went wrong with those phone solicitations?
He should have asked every third donor to send the donation to the Republican
National Committee.
* * *
In response to our story of alleged sins by the YMCA (the athletes
foot gambit), Charlotte Arendt writes from Neenah about the very obedient
Catholic whose pastor wouldnt let him contribute to the new local Y
facility. But, added the pastor, it would be fine to contribute to the removal
of the old one.
* * *
Wrote M.J. Lyon from Basking Ridge: What hope is there for
moi? I have an MA in theology and am working at the front desk of a corporate
hotel. Go figure.
* * *
Sic figures a corporate hotel is a great place for an MA in
theology. Heck, a quick look at NCRs Summer or Winter Listings will
quickly reveal that more theology is done at U.S. hotels than anywhere outside
Cardinal Ratzingers personal chambers.
You read it here first -- theologians will come traipsing from
dusty ivory towers and ancient cobweb-clotted cloisters, the theological
ramparts of yore, like bats from old belfries, supplicants dragging their tomes
behind them and searching for good hotels with state-of-the-art front desks
where real people might be contacted, with real ups and downs and existential
relevance, who then might offer the careerist bureaucratic theologians one more
chance to look the old whimpering, wheezing but still alive world in the eye
and a last chance at being theologians of the same stripe as Jesus Christ.
* * *
Meanwhile, sitting at that front desk, Lyon puzzles over
lifes conundrums, some of which were sent to This Space:
Is it possible to be totally partial? Whats
another word for thesaurus? Why is there an expiration date on sour
cream? Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? How do you know when
its time to tune your bagpipes? Is it true that cannibals dont
eat clowns because they taste funny? Why do they call it a TV set when you
only have one? What is the speed of dark? What was the best thing before
sliced bread?
* * *
The Mother A aficionado, who prefers to be known simply as Harry
Tick (get it? he asks coyly), concludes with a rousing stanza:
Mother has friends in some very high places; The pope
and his eminence bask in his graces. Yes, all of us know that theyve
really arrived, When we see them on Mother Angelica Live.
Hickey, OConnor and Law and Chaput, Keeler, the pontiff and Ratzinger,
too! Hickey, OConnor and Law and Chaput, Keeler, the pontiff and
Ratzinger too!
* * *
Sic was particularly struck by the triumphal repetition of the
last two lines. The author, who could have settled merely for another fine
paean to the greatness of Mother A, her charming mixture of steely resolve and
jocular shenanigans, pauses instead for a moment on the edge of greatness, then
with a torrent of emotion repeats the two lines of good stuff and thus raises
Angelica to new heights by placing her twice-securely in the ranks of the great
churchmen of our time.
So, raise your glass, gentle reader, wherever you are, and sing:
Hickey, OConnor and ...
National Catholic Reporter, October 10,
1997
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