Special
section: Family Life
Lemays family-friendly parish goes slowly
By ARTHUR JONES
NCR Staff
Sunday morning Mass. The pastor kneels before the altar, stands,
turns and looks at the congregation in an ordinary, middle-class parish. What
does he see? A mix of faith, hope and anxiety.
The sensible pastor knows that despite the urgency, helping a
faith community combat the detrimental aspects of a culture is accomplished
only slowly.
Which is why, at Most Precious Blood Parish in Lemay, Mo., after
five years of nonstop process and experimentation, Fr. Patrick Ryan takes heart
from small signals from this 735-family parish, where about a third of the
families are blended families.
One good sign is that the number of little kids marching off at
Mass for their own Liturgy of the Word has trebled to about 60.
I think the young families are beginning to see there is a
family spirituality, said Ryan.
The neighborhood, in a suburb south of St. Louis, is changing. The
initial residents, the grandparent generation, are retiring, dying or in
nursing homes. Younger families are moving in.
Ryan said the parish staff tries to give young families
things to do at home. We bring in programs, this fall -- in conjunction
with the parish faculty -- theres one on discipline.
But while Ryan worries about the younger families, he knows they
cant be rushed.
They are very influenced by the culture, he said.
The economy in particular determines a lot of their lives. Work is the
biggest influence and consumerism. They evaluate whether they are even
successful parents by how much they and the family consume and by what they
provide for their kids. And Im not sure that thats
healthy.
To help create a healthier perspective, the parish has
experimented with ideas stemming from the U.S. bishops Family
Perspectives letter, the goal of which was to ensure that all
parish programs are family sensitive.
At Most Precious Blood Parish theyve tried:
- Workshops after Sunday Mass for age-specific groups;
- A Mass-based program with follow-up things to do at home;
and
- Parish missions, family-style.
Of the missions, Ryan said, We had various age groups,
seniors, young adults: 18-35-year-olds in one, teens in another, junior high in
another, primary in another -- plus baby-sitting. We brought in specific
speakers from around the metro area to do the mission every night of the week
and then we all came together for a ritual conclusion.
The work goes on, sometimes hammer in hand. Parishioners are
rehabbing two houses for immigrant families. A less tangible but no less
important project is also underway -- opening communication across
generations.
The older peoples memories are invaluable, said
Ryan. The values theyre trying to pass on to their grandchildren
are real to these younger families, he said.
Families need to recover a sense of being the church at home, Ryan
said. The challenge comes in making meaning -- challenging and directing
people to [discern] where God is revealing himself in their lives, to finding
the meaning in their families.
Thats an abstract idea, but it can lead to some very
concrete steps. For example, families in the parish are using red plates to
mark special occasions -- everything from celebrating retirement to a good test
grade or a raise at work. Whoever is being honored has a red celebration plate
at the family dinner that night.
Everyone knows a particular person is being honored at this
particular meal, said Ryan.
(The celebration plate idea is widespread. In Houstons St.
Cecelias Parish recently there was one at the Diana and Rick Gaillardetz
house for the son who was moving on from pull-ups to big-boy underpants.)
Ryan said the parish gathers its ideas from many sources,
including Family Works by John Roberto of the Center for Ministry
Development, a monumental work, a 1,000-page manual. Indispensable,
Ryan said.
The desire of families to meet the needs of others nudged the
parish toward social justice efforts, mainly through some hunger-awareness
meals.
Compared to 25 years ago and couples then, Ryan said,
todays couples are more conscious of their own needs and operate
primarily on that basis. I dont think theyre as aware of other
people as the older generation was.
Inevitably, putting family and values into
the same sentence steers a conversation into questions of morality. But Ryan
said that the parish has tried to low-key any sense of moral judgment, exposing
people to whats good rather than haranguing them about whats
bad.
We didnt really want to get into the moral questions
until we looked first at lifestyle questions. Our goal became just getting them
to pay attention to the lifestyle question, to try to understand it, he
said, not to try to judge whats right or wrong about it yet, but
just to try to understand whats happening to you, and some of the
implications of that for the family.
We thought, said Ryan, if we could spend a
sufficient period of time to get them to pay attention and understand, then we
could try to eventually get to a judgment on what is right or wrong or
growth-producing. I dont think most people reflect.
At Most Precious Blood Parish they also connect.
Theres a parish school. Each Thanksgiving Day after Mass
theres a breakfast for graduates in town for the holiday. Some 50 to 60
graduates turn up to reconnect and look at their grade school pictures. The
parish maintains contact through parents. Graduates receive a letter at
Christmas.
Its a lot of work, but I dont do it all,
said Ryan. Theres our [director of religious education], Most
Precious Blood Sr. Rose Dobleman, principal Roseanne Burgoon, the Heines
(Ardell and Jean) in the grandparent generation, and Sharon and Jeff
Gambaro.
The Gambaros may be the ultimate returnees. Sharon grew up in the
parish and attended the school. The couple now lives in her late
grandparents home with their children, Colin, 7, and Emma, 3.
Theyre a Catholic educated couple (until graduate
school, said Sharon). Both are employed, and they became involved in
parish when they realized what a tremendous connection gap existed
for young families after their childrens baptisms.
Until they start school, said Sharon Gambaro,
theres nothing to particularly to tie you to the parish.
Theyve worked to change that. First by enrolling in the
archdioceses three-year Catholic Leadership Development program, which
theyre just finishing, and next by involving themselves in the
Perspectives Program.
They do a workshop on enriching family relationships. Jeff
and I tell them, Gee, were not experts. We open workshops
with that. We have an interest in learning and a willingness to share and
facilitate discussion and were coming up from among you.
The Gambaros -- shes in communications; hes a research
chemist -- are cradle Catholics. They know what makes neighborhood and
community work. The benefit of intergenerational gatherings, she said, is
that younger couples are hearing and learning from people whove raised
one generation and are very interested in the welfare of the next. They gain
reassurance in these conversations.
The grandparent generation is responsible for practically
everything thats happening in this parish. Without them we couldnt
have the school, said Sharon Gambaro, and their ongoing willingness
is a model for all of us. A model for when were grandparents -- still
caring about the education and faith of a younger generation.
For Ryan at the altar, looking out and seeing that white and
silver hair sprinkled around the congregation, its a reassuring
resource.
National Catholic Reporter, September 4,
1998
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