Sic embarks on new but risky adventure
Anyone who believes the rumor that the forthcoming new volume, The Sic-Cardinal Ratzinger Correspondence (Latin title, Dies Irae) has been banned by the Vatican because of an alleged recklessness with inclusive language is nuts.
When NCR Copy Editor Patty McCarty asked a friend if she had read the Starr report, the friend said she had and added, I dont like reading sexy stuff. It makes me feel all turned on and alive. I hate it.
Everyone knows the health care industry is in flux. These surprising excerpts from medical records explain why:
Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for
over a year.
But seriously. Sic has taken on some heavy hitters in the course of our journalistic enterprise. But that was just kids stuff. After fooling around for years, conniving, as it were, with trivia to amuse the masses, This Space is now ready to go after the devil. Satan. The Big Stinker himself (excuse the exclusive language).
Since this is a new enterprise (about five minutes old), we are still without a plan of action. We aim to stop for lunch before getting down to the details. First, we have to find the Big D. But you cant tangle with Naked Evil on an empty stomach.
Headline from Catholic Times, newspaper of the diocese of Springfield, Ill.: Sr. Loretta Vetter celebrates 50th ordination anniversary.
A millennium or two from now, wont historians be confused?
This came in on the Internet, so it must be true:
VATICAN CITY -- In the sternest papal edict against the endocrine system in over 150 years, Pope John Paul II added the adrenal, pineal and pituitary to the Catholic churchs list of condemned glands Monday, decrying them as sinful hormone producers which encourage and incite the human body to commit all manner of unholy acts.
The popes rationale: These are functions which God could never have foreseen or intended when he created the human body.
An anagram, as everyone knows, is messing up a word or phrase so it means something else. These came from Judy Gross:
Dormitory: dirty room.
To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune: in one of the Bards best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.
(Is that amazing or what?)
Edgar Alan Poe was ahead of his time, nothing more:
Once upon a midnight dreary,
(Yes, theres more, much more)
Readers should know about The Angel Cookbook published by Strawberry Patch in Atlanta. Recipes include Sanctimony Macaroni, O Come Lettuce Adore Him, Joyful and Try Eggplant, Fettucine Al-Pray-do and Dominus Vo-Biscuits.
The following is the highbrow part of This Space:
Accordionated: being able to drive and refold a road map at the
As This Space went to press, a thorough search of the real world had failed to uncover Satan. This raises questions, but Sic doesnt know what they are. We have watched for hooves, horns, pointy tails and the smell of burning flesh. And Monica Lewinskys blue dress. To no avail. This may mean Old Nick is roaming the earth in some weird disguise such as Elvis Presley or even as a tomato. Something about tomatoes makes Sic suspicious. Stay tuned.
Is this a scoop or what? People have long wondered how infallibility works. Heres how. Sometimes, when the pope feels especially inspired or holy or is just having a slow day, that old feeling comes on, and he asks one of his faithful servants, usually from the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, to plug him into the Big Think Tank in the Sky, as our photo, brought to our attention by Mary Alice Henkel of Toledo, shows.
This no doubt explains why Sic failed in our recent gallant bid for infallibility: We couldnt find the right outlet.
John A. Lynch writes from Framingham: A friend in Schnecksville writes me that Kraft, well-known for its cheese, is building the largest all-brick building in the USA at Nazareth, Pa., where they will consolidate all their warehouse activities. It will be known as Cheeses of Nazareth.
National Catholic Reporter, October 2, 1998