If the wheel had not been (a)round, stuff like this would never be written
Sic wishes to take this opportunity to honor the individual who invented the wheel.
Eleven little men, I aint talkin size,
Bellied up to the table and tried to look wise,
The red cap that chose them said with a sigh,
It took the others years but it still wouldnt fly.
Its a simple job, and heres how you do it,
Change a few words, thats all there is to it,
Just scratch out some hes and put in some others,
If you want to get bold, add sisters to brothers.
Dont fret about inclusive purity,
The point Im making is job security.
Dont worry about being too accurate,
Theres a guy I know wholl remanufacture it. (We hope the above does more for liturgy than it does for poetry.)
Some Knoxville choir, it seems, dressed in long white duds, had sung for the pope, up in the sanctuary of St. Ignatius Church, Rome -- frankly, it all looked quite stuffy. An Alleluia kind of choir, we guessed, or an Amazing Grace bunch, when they could have made the popes day by breaking into Who Threw the Overalls in Mrs. Murphys Chowder?
But Sic thinks theres a dozen things -- no, make that a million -- just as simple as the wheel, and just as useful, waiting to be invented, so why have those hotshots not invented them?
Sic rests our case, whatever it is.
Question for Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
Sic says things like this all the time -- ask anyone -- and is considering running for Miss Alabama.
I havent committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law (former New York Mayor David Dinkins, accused of not paying his taxes).
Smoking kills. If youre killed, youve lost a very important part of your life (Brooke Shields, auditioning to be antismoking spokesperson).
Ive never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body (basketball player Winston Bennett).
China is a big country inhabited by many Chinese (Charles de Gaulle).
As everyone now knows, Sic has given up infallibility, which was getting us nowhere fast, in favor of prophecy, of which there are two types. Were not into the more bland type: intoning fascinating animadversions allegedly spoken on behalf of the Lord. Rather, we aim to specialize in the long ball: sage but unlikely predictions about stuff so far in the future that well all be dead long before anyone has a chance to check up on us.
National Catholic Reporter, January 8, 1999