Column What would Jesus do with Harrys need and wounded
pride? By JEANNETTE
BATZ
Jesus was quite clear about feeding the hungry and healing the
sick. But he never said what to do about Harry.
Harrys a Vietnam vet who calls me regularly. Miss
Batz? he says in an extra loud, nasal voice with an odd singsong rhythm
and flawless courtesy. Miss Batz? This is Harry, the Vietnam veteran ...
Always, he has a hot news story for me. Once, it involved the Veterans
Administrations Code of Ethics not being posted in hallways. Once, it was
a tortuous account of his bowel movements, certain intersecting health problems
and inadequate care.
I like Harry. He is earnest and kind, and cares more than most.
But when a page came announcing that he was in the lobby -- 10 minutes before
our big, hurriedly-scheduled staff meeting with the new publisher -- I looked
helplessly at my editor. Oh my God, he actually showed up! I
said.
Call down and say youre in a meeting, urged my
kind but ruthless editor, accustomed to sieges by people with stories.
I cant, he told me hed come this morning to drop
this thing off, I explained guiltily. He wants to put it in my
hands himself. Ill just run down and get it.
Harry wasted no time on his usual telephone pleasantries.
Are we going to sit down and go over this? he asked
the minute I spoke his name.
Well, theyve called a meeting, but I can take it from
you now, and we can talk later today, I said awkwardly.
But instead, he slowly withdrew his outstretched hand, fingers
clamped securely over the edge of a red-white-and-blue poster. This time it was
the federal governments code of ethics. He was the only person who had
it, he assured me. I nodded, skimmed the words, thanked him for bringing it,
promised again that we could talk later. But Harry refused to leave the poster
without explaining the violations of the code and the secrecy that shrouded it.
Slowly rewrapping the poster, he turned to go, saying with impeccable dignity,
I may go elsewhere.
I climbed the stairs and joined the meeting, my head a swirl of
relief and guilt. I was kind of proud of Harrys feistiness, proud that he
stuck with what he thought important and refused to be cast aside. If he did go
elsewhere, Id be delighted; I couldnt even figure out what story he
was proposing. But I was ashamed that I hadnt found a way to spend the
time he needed. And I was even a little hurt that he hadnt entrusted me
with the poster.
By afternoon, I was angry. Feeding and clothing and healing are
all tangible, doable projects. Even raising somebody from the deads
probably easy if you know how. But what about the emotional problems, the
loneliness and confused eagerness and wounded pride that fill the world?
The Sermon on the Mount didnt address Harrys kind of
need with any specificity. But if we substitute needy, in its
modern emotional context, for one of the Beatitudes more concrete needs,
the line flows just as smoothly.
Harrys mind needs healing as much as the halt
and lame in the Bible, but hes probably not going to get it.
Hes as hungry for involved, purposeful action as the starving are for
bread, but hes probably not going to get that either.
Every time I meet someone like Harry, I panic; the need is so
obvious and so great, such a psychological black hole, that I fear Ill be
swallowed up in it. By giving the slightest encouragement, Ill only be
sucked deeper into the void, trapped in a worldview I cant translate.
But then I give the slight, affordable encouragement anyway,
brushing the extra crumbs from my lap into their outstretched hand. And the
minute they want something more substantial, I find myself slapping their hands
away, hurting them more because they are too hungry.
What would Jesus do? Write an investigative piece about the
poster? Cut below the surface problem and find a way to give Harry something
real?
He wouldnt send him away because He had a meeting, Im
sure of that much.
But He could fill that black hole. I cant. And knowing it
paralyzes me.
The rationalization reminds me of an old Jules Ffeiffer cartoon in
which a girl says shed love to love other people, except that
theyre so dirty and hungry and scary, so maybe God should love them and
shell just love God.
Her conclusions honest, at least. More honest than I was,
when I first acquiesced to Harrys plan to bring me the poster. Why
didnt I just listen to his worries -- thoroughly and patiently -- and
then explain my own job better, let him know with firm, ultimate kindness that
it wasnt news I could write about? Ah, but that would be the equivalent
of inviting a Jehovahs Witness in for coffee and a theological
discussion. One does not take the time.
In Reaching Out, Henri J. M. Nouwen writes about the
near-extinct tradition of real hospitality. Its not the bland automatic
politeness we think of today, its a serious search for a way to connect
with a stranger.
When we want to be really hospitable, says Nouwen,
we not only have to receive strangers but also to confront them by an
unambiguous presence, not hiding ourselves behind neutrality but showing our
ideas, opinions and life-style clearly and distinctly. Otherwise there is
nothing real to engage either person. There is only formal niceness, the remote
going-through-the-motions that instantly told Harry I wasnt
interested.
And by that time it was a message that turned him away, sending
him back out into the cold and leaving both of us unhappy and unblessed.
Jeannette Batz is a senior editor at The Riverfront Times,
an alternative newspaper in St. Louis.
National Catholic Reporter, January 8,
1999
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