Sic
Sic has new moral
section, plus senility serenity prayer
Man in hot-air balloon has trouble navigating, drops below the
clouds to get his bearings, sees man on ground.
Can you tell me where I am?Ï the balloon man yells.
Youre 60 feet off the ground in a hot-air
balloon.
You must be a theologian, the balloonist shouts.
How did you guess?
Your information is correct but its of absolutely no
use.
You must be a bishop, man on ground shouts back.
How did you guess? Man in balloon is surprised.
Because you dont know where you are, you dont
know how you got here or where youre going, and you think it is all my
fault.
(This came from Sursum Corda, newsletter of Chicagos
senior priests, who no longer need worry about bishops.)
* * *
Jacinta Mann of Greensburg says these are actual
business signs:
On a front door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian
except the dog.
On a butchers window: Let me Meat your
Needs.
In a veterinarians waiting room: Be back in five
minutes. Sit! Stay!
On the door of a computer store: Out for a quick
byte.
Inside a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a
pin drop.
* * *
Several people wrote to apprise Sic that the Sisters of Perpetual
Indulgence were again strutting their stuff in San Francisco. Drag queens
with a habit threw an Easter party celebrating two decades of
decadence with wimples and whimsy, an Associated Press story said.
The group is known for its campy carryings-on and farcical
noms-de-nun, such as Sr. Phyllis Stein, Sr. Ann R. Key, not to mention
Sr. Sadie Sadie, the Rabbi Lady.
So who said vocations were down?
* * *
Big mergers are all the rage. Marjorie Roy of Topeka sent a
clipping with a couple of new ones:
Computer giants Netscape and Yahoo have joined and the new company
is to be called NetnYahoo.
John Deere and Abitibi-Price likewise, the new company to be known
as Deere Abi.
* * *
Sic, ever politically correct, admonishes readers not to
say the following to those who irritate you -- unless you want to:
The fact that no one understands you doesnt mean
youre an artist.
I dont know what your problem is, but Ill bet
its hard to pronounce.
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and
stupid.
Im not being rude. Youre just
insignificant.
Im already visualizing the duct tape over your
mouth.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about
you.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely
ceremonial.
How about never? Is never good for you?
Im really easy to get along with once you people learn
to worship me.
* * *
The photo shows that we are ahead of the times here,
writes Ed Kelly. Here is the Philippines. The photo speaks for
itself, whatever it says.
* * *
In recent elections Californians have referenda about nearly
everything. Most of these are retrogressive and bad for what ails us. The
Chicago Tribune referred to this tendency as Californication.
* * *
We come now to the moral theology section, a conundrum laden with
poignancy and what might have been. John A. Lynch of Framington tells of a
major but unnamed university magazine in which a graduate declines to donate to
her alma mater, deciding to give instead to three other colleges, including one
on the lawn of which she had lost her virginity.
She had tried to accomplish this at her alma mater but the student
targeted for this task was a Catholic who informed me he was
saving himself for marriage. Had the young man been less
steadfast, she went on, her money might have gone to the university, a
grateful gesture from a satisfied student.
This sheds new light on the identity of Catholic colleges.
* * *
Out of nowhere comes this senior citizens serenity prayer:
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the
good fortune to run into the ones I do like and the eyesight to tell the
difference.
National Catholic Reporter, May 21,
1999
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