Keeping them grounded in reality of
Incarnation
By ROSEMARY JOHNSTON
Special to the National Catholic Reporter San
Diego
When Episcopal Bishop Jane Holmes Dixon, suffragan, or elected
auxiliary, in Washington, was consecrated in 1992, a friend sent her husband
David Dixie Dixon a pair of purple socks. Dixon, a lawyer with the
U.S. Department of Justice, accepted the gift in good humor. After all,
hes been married to a priest since 1982 when his wife was ordained to the
Episcopal priesthood.
Although husbands of bishops were in the minority at a recent
meeting here of the Episcopal Church of the USA House of Bishops, the role of
the bishops spouse in the Episcopal tradition may provide a window into
the future if the Vatican ever decides to reverse its ruling that married
priests and women priests are verboten.
Frank Griswold, presiding bishop of the Episcopal Church in the
United States, made a deliberate effort to include the episcopal spouses in the
six-day meeting Sept. 16-22. They keep us grounded in the reality of the
Incarnation, he said during a closing news conference at the end of the
conference. Left to our own devices, theology can get thin and angular.
Our friendships with other couples, even those with whom I may have
differences, have been an enormous resource for the whole community.
Mary Williams, married to Bishop Huntington Williams for 50 years,
chaired the planning committee for the 135 spouses who accompanied the bishops
to San Diego. Bishop Griswold made it clear, she said, that
our perspective was invaluable in the discussions -- discussions that
revolved around three principal issues: racism, world debt and
homosexuality.
Williams, like many of the bishops spouses, has a career.
She is an independent consultant in organizational development. One of her
current clients is a large suburban Catholic parish on the East Coast.
She and Bishop Williams have four children and 10 grandchildren,
and she remembers the early years when she sat in the pew with the kids while
her husband presided at the Sunday liturgy. Once her husband was consecrated a
bishop 11 years ago, a new set of challenges presented itself to the couple,
challenges that demanded hard choices and a determination not to allow the
church to consume the marriage and the family.
Theres a tremendous loss of community when the
episcopal appointment comes, Williams recalled. We travel
extensively, often together now, but every Sunday its a different church.
Weve all had to learn how to build community within the community of
bishops and their spouses, and with longtime friends, and how to manage the
shifting boundaries between independence and togetherness.
For Gretchen Kimsey, wife of Bishop Rustin Kimsey of eastern
Oregon, her job as a Catholic school pre-kindergarten teacher has helped
nurture her own sense of being a person, not a role. We still get
introduced as the lovely wives on occasion, but weve learned
to be gracious about it, she said.
Our diocese is huge, and it was an unfamiliar jurisdiction
for us, so that was a lonely, difficult time, she said. Today, she jokes
about being the driver as the couple travels to the far-flung parishes of the
eastern Oregon diocese. I am another set of ears for my husband in his
ministry, she said. Sometimes people will say things to me they
might not say to the bishop. Bishops receive a lot of glory. I think we help
them stay grounded in the midst of all that.
The bishop is the pastor of the priests, too, she
added. I know that personnel problems, behavior problems of priests,
weigh heavily on Rustin and that he cant share that with me, but Im
aware of the toll it can take on him.
Lynette Williams, wife of Bishop Arthur Williams Jr., suffragan of
the diocese of Ohio, said, I think they see Arthur as a whole
person, when asked about the impact of a spouse on the ministry of a
bishop. He doesnt seem as scary to others when people can see us as
a couple. I see my role in keeping the boundaries -- when to say, Whoa,
way too much has gone out.
Williams was teaching at a Catholic high school when her husband
was named a bishop a year after their marriage in 1985. I knew that
something was going to have to give, and it was my job. She keeps her
hand in teaching, however, by tutoring.
Its up to us to say time out,
Barbara Payne, the soft-spoken wife of Bishop Claude Payne of the
Houston/Galveston diocese, said. Married for 44 years, she and her husband now
spend more time together than ever. The children are grown. We cared for
our aging parents before they died. We travel to two churches each weekend, and
I cant sing in the choir anymore, but its been a very rich
experience I wouldnt trade, she said.
Aida Alard, wife of Bishop Leo Alard of the Houston/Austin
diocese, said she believes the ministry has brought them closer as a couple and
closer to the people. Our daughter has a learning disability, and I
couldnt believe the response we got when we shared that with people. We
learned so many others were struggling with it. It was very
liberating.
Alard said she believes her husband is a better bishop because of
her. Its a lonely job, Bishop Alard said as the bishops and
spouses prepared to board tour buses following a Sunday picnic in the park
across from the Episcopal Cathedral of St. Paul. Aida is my companion, my
sojourner, he said. She makes my ministry more meaningful and
brings me back to reality.
Theres no doubt they live a very defined
existence, the Rev. Jane Sigloh, newly appointed chaplain to the spouses,
said. When your spouse adds bishop to his or her name, its
an entirely new turn in the road for them as ministers of Christ. I remind them
that they dont vow to give up fun, that they have to find a way to be
public figures and private persons at the same time.
Sigloh, now retired as rector of a church in Charlottesville, Va.,
helps the spouses develop what she termed a covenant spirituality -- bringing
together the covenants of baptism, marriage and ordination. I help them
to see the episcopacy as an opportunity -- not a duty -- to express the love of
God made manifest in all those vows. Youre given a text and you work
within that word.
National Catholic Reporter, October 8,
1999
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