Starting
Point A
kiss for unknown Kristin at her grave
By JAMES STEPHEN
BEHRENS
There is a cemetery in Iowa. I liked
walking there in the cool of the evenings. It was early September. It is just
across the road from our monastery called New Melleray. The cemetery is on a
hill, and you can see for miles all around. Green fields stretch far into the
distance. It is as if the lush grass stretches from your feet to the sun and
all about you forever. The horizon is dotted with silos and barns and an
occasional clump of trees. So still and beautiful, save for a passing
18-wheeler on a distant highway or a rising flock of birds. Telephone and power
lines are visible, too, but are hardly noticeable since the sky and fields are
so vast. Things human seem in a more humble perspective. A sense of life, rich
life, abounds.
There is a lovely little church across the road from the cemetery.
A Trappist monk was once pastor. Our monks still celebrate Mass there on
Sundays and Holy Days, but it is closed the rest of the time. It was built a
long time ago and is in good condition.
One evening I went for a walk with Chaminade, a good friend and
monk of Conyers, Ga. I wanted to show him some of the old headstones. There was
yet enough light for us to read the inscriptions. The cemetery is divided into
two sections, though there are no definite markers indicating such. But there
is a point where the graves are more recent. We made our way slowly through the
older section.
The section is mostly Irish. The headstones were old and looked
it. So many young people died in the 1840s, through the remaining decades of
that century, and right through the first decades of this century. I was
astounded by how many perished from roughly 1845 to 1910. Some families were
decimated. Carved names testified to the loss of as many as five, six, even
seven children in a single family. Women died noticeably, painfully young.
There were many graves of infants, marked simply Baby John or
Baby Mary. Surviving members left behind poems of sadness and hope,
faith and longing for a better life for the departed. Some graves had old metal
crucifixes atop them. The years had taken a toll on these and other statuary.
The crucifixes were rusted, some missing legs, arms, the head. Concrete angels
were everywhere, many missing wings, noses, hands. So many things went through
my mind as we quietly walked along and read inscription after inscription. The
young men and women, the children, young wives, husbands. Row after row telling
of a time when, as a matter of course, longevity was not something taken for
granted. One grave listed four sons, none of whom reached the age of 15. I
wondered if they had run and played on the very field in which they were now
interred.
There were many graves of those who lived long years. They seemed
heroic, like survivors of some terrible, tragic siege.
We slowly moved into the section with the more recent graves.
There were large and impressive stones. Many had fresh flowers. Some even had
lights with sensors on them that caused them to turn on in the darkness.
Chaminade is peaceful. He is easy to live with, easy to be with,
easy to walk with. He was just a few feet ahead of me, and I saw him lean down
to read something on one of the stones. Look at this, he said. I
went and stood next to him, and there on the gravestone was an etched image of
a young woman. Her name was Kristin. She was born in 1962 and died in 1988. And
beneath her image there was a poem, written by her parents. It was a poem of
hurt, loss and a hope for Kristins peace. The last words were we
shall see each other again. Kristins stone face gazed back at us,
with her slight smile and short hair, parted on the right. She was pretty.
Chaminade said something but could not finish because he filled
up. He wiped away tears and said, She was young, so young. He put
his hand to his lips and placed his fingers on Kristins image. We prayed
for a moment in silence and then moved on. I could feel deep things stirring in
Chaminade, but he was OK. I did not want to distract him from a certain place
in his heart where he wanted to be and needed to be.
There are times I look at my life, my days here in a Trappist
monastery, and wonder how I got here and why I am here. I suppose that there
are so many satisfactory answers that I bring to bear upon my own questions. It
is a calling, a good life to live, a way to seek
God and so on. They last for a while, quieting the voices within me. But
every now and then an experience hits me from the outside and so grounds me in
who I am and where I want to continue to be.
I look back on that night and remember feeling the words of the
psalmist, that life is a passing breath. It was so still. We walked
and wondered at all the gone life around us. Everything pointed to and yearned
for an eternity, a hope, a life that we cannot give to ourselves or to those we
love.
Then a man read with love some words and gazed at an image of a
dead woman, cried and kissed her as best he could. It was a gesture that
spanned years, and yet I believe it reached its tender mark. Then he prayed.
Whatever is in us that so moves us to embrace finality with a kiss and a prayer
and tears: That is beautiful. I want that life and want to live from that kind
of love and goodness.
In the last talk he gave before he died, Thomas Merton said,
We are a living incompleteness.
We think and do so many things to settle once and for all that
gnawing sense of feeling incomplete. And yet the experience persists. There is
no putting it to rest. We ponder, we move, we wrestle with who we are, whom we
want to love, where we want to go.
But go we must. There is no choice in that.
I believe that all humans are invited to an experience similar to
the walk taken by Chaminade and me. We are all invited to a place set apart, a
green and fertile place, beneath the stars, where birds can be seen rising to
the sun and traffic is far away but, like all things, going somewhere. Where is
it all going? It goes fast. To nowhere? The trucks and their riders head to
ultimate oblivion. The birds rise to a sun that will someday perish, putting an
end to all days and nights and the ways we move and love in them.
I believe that God will kiss all things back to life.
It is said that death is a final place of rest, that it is our
journeys end. But I wonder. Do the dead move among us, drawing from us
our prayers, our hearts, the very meaning of our journeys? I think so. I saw
such a mystery that night in Iowa and trusted that the trucks have to move, and
the birds take flight, and that all things living and moving shall reach a
home. It is all passing, moving along. Pause for a moment and say a prayer and
love as best you know how.
Chaminade was moved by beauty long gone. Kristins lifeless
body may have been sealed in a tomb, but Chaminades heart offered a
better and more lasting seal, that of a prayer, his sorrow and a kiss.
Somehow I like to believe that she kissed him back.
We have years left, places to go, things to see, people to love.
Yes, we are restless, seeking something of God and the good through it all. A
God who lives in us and so moves a man to kiss a life that died young, but
still lives and takes to heart those who pause enough to love her.
Trappist Fr. James Stephen Behrens lives at Holy Spirit
Monastery in Conyers, Ga. His latest book is Be Gentle, Be Faithful: Daily
Meditations for Busy Christians(ACTA Publications, 1999).
National Catholic Reporter, June 2,
2000
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