Starting
Point Gods love like a screensaver
By JAMES STEPHEN
BEHRENS
Yesterday I drove Fr. Augustine to
the eye doctor. He had laser surgery a few weeks back. He is as kind a man as
they come and was the abbot here for many years. He has aged so beautifully --
I very much admire his spirit. He takes what comes with genuine humor and an
ever-ready smile.
His hearing is not very good, and he speaks very softly, so softly
that he almost whispers. While driving down the highway he mentioned that he
was having visitors come soon from New York. He knows how much I like Manhattan
and was telling me that his friends love that city, too. I listened as he
spoke, not wanting to interrupt him when there was a word or phrase that I
could not quite get. He said something about the Hudson. I knew he was talking
of a long-ago event and I turned to him and said that I remember Hudson cars.
No, he said. Not cars. So I took the next thing that came to my mind. And so I
mentioned that I liked the Hudson River and drove over it many times. He smiled
and continued talking about the Hudson. He mentioned the street it was on and
then I realized that he was talking about the Hudson Hotel, but I do not know
of such a place. My mind was still on the waters of the Hudson, and his was on
the hotel.
We finally found a common ground and laughed because we knew it
had taken a while to cut through the thicket of the various meanings of Hudson.
And so we continued on our way, talking about New York hotels and some other
niceties of that great city.
We arrived at the eye clinic, and I helped him out of the car and
into his wheelchair. We went to the doctors office, and everything was
fine. The doctor assured Gus that his eyes are coming along and that soon he
will be able to operate on the other eye. And that was that. After writing on a
piece of paper a medication adjustment, the doctor wished us a good day, and
off we went to the receptionist to make another appointment.
I wheeled Gus back to the receptionist and on the way there
spotted through an open office door a computer screen with a fancy screensaver
-- a sort of building block thing that constantly moved colored blocks into
motion and then positioned them one on top of the other. I leaned down and
mentioned it to Gus, and he said something about a few blocks away to the
monastery. I said OK and continued wheeling him to the receptionist who gave me
a card with the new appointment.
Going off to sleep that night, I thought about the day and that
screensaver. It sort of mesmerized me. The slow motion of the blocks, moving
and slipping with ease to the right place and then the emergence of more blocks
and the whole screen shifting in color and shape as more blocks arrived and
found places to fit.
How much like a day, and all the words and the hearing of them and
speaking them, words that come from the depths of the mind and heart, looking
for places to fit, and how constant they are, and how things do shift when they
find where they belong.
Sometimes I do not get the words right. I do not say the right
words nor do I hear just what is being said. But I think that is OK.
On the way back to the monastery, a song came on the radio --
Jumpin Jack Flash by the Rolling Stones. I turned it up a
bit. I told Gus who was singing it, and he smiled. His hands moved a bit to the
beat.
But its allll right, you know its all right --
in fact its a gas
Jumping Jack Flash is just a
gaaaasssssss.
Come to think of it, I do not know after all these years if I have
those words right, either. But I think you know what I mean. They are, uh,
close.
I like to think that love is Gods screensaver of life. Love
moves us, moves through us. We look for words as the love builds and cannot
always find them but speak as best we can. I love Gus and feel I do so little
for him to show that. Men do not usually talk of such things.
How much God has moved through Gus over all these years! Living
blocks upon blocks of words and love, tenderly moving, finding their place in
his heart and in his days.
I laugh at the myriad meanings of yesterdays Hudsons:
rivers, cars, hotels. But Gus and I did OK. We got to where we were going and
poked our way through words, giving some form to the love we needed to say as
we rode and shifted words and gears.
Its all right, yes, it is all right. In fact, it is a
gas.
I think you know what I mean, what I am trying to say.
Trappist Fr. James Stephen Behrens lives at Holy Spirit
Monastery in Conyers, Ga. His e-mail address is
james@trappist.net
National Catholic Reporter, February 16,
2001
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