Perspective Quiet thoughts about a Friend
By THOMAS C. FOX
I loved my father. He was a caring
man and a great inspiration. I thought I should tell you this as I begin, for
it involves our notion of fathers.
I recently returned from a month-long trip to India. One cannot
spend that much time there without returning changed. I was changed. I went to
gather information for NCR and for a book I am writing. I also went
because I am attracted to nearly all things Asian, including Asian-American
families, religion and spirituality.
Like many of us, I get mired in lifes journey. Praying
becomes difficult, I take people and circumstances for granted, I dont
make the effort to cultivate the spirit.
I was going through such a period as my plans for the trip
developed. I left the United States thinking Indias rich cultures and
mystical ways would lighten and enlighten my spirit. Ive borrowed from
India in the past.
I was searching for something I couldnt quite articulate as
we arrived in New Delhi. At the same time, I was finding elements of my
Catholic spiritual home less comfortable -- without ever quite pinning down the
reason.
In the course of our travels in India my wife, Hoa, and I
encountered many wonderful and generous people. It is true that Asians are
gracious in welcoming strangers. They appreciate any interest we Westerners
show in their lives and ways.
During this journey we visited with many Catholics. These were
serving and grounded people. I had a glimpse of what it means to be evangelized
by the poor, as these Catholics were. Most work generously on behalf of the
poorest and most marginalized of human beings.
Two priests in particular had a special impact on me. Since our
conversations were personal, I will call one Saldanha and the other Siddharth.
Saldanha and Siddharth were both elderly men and seemed to have something
important to say to me. It was as if it was intended that we meet and that I
listen and learn from them. With every opportunity I had I asked the men and
women I met about their spiritual approaches to life. I shared some of my own.
You can tell when you encounter holiness. Asians call it enlightenment.
After spending some time with one of the men one afternoon, I
found myself in a confessional mood. Saldanha listened carefully, all the time
looking closely in my eyes. Then he asked: Do you believe in
hell?
No, I answered, I guess I dont.
Good. Then its love that makes you want to change, not
fear.
I guess so, I answered.
You know what your problem is, he went on. You
think of God as father. You still view God as judge. Youve got to get
over it. Youve got to think of God as friend.
Friend?
God is your best friend. You just dont know it. You
dont trust this friend to accept and love you.
He reminded me that our church speaks of God as being all-merciful
and all-loving. But we act as if God is our father-judge. There is
nothing you can do -- no wrong -- that is not already forgiving, if thats
the way you want to put it, by your best friend, God.
Nothing?
Nothing.
Saldanha then encouraged me to read a book. At first I thought he
would recommend some ancient Indian text. Instead, he said I would benefit from
reading Friendship with God, by Neale Donald Walsch, an American
author.
I did as he suggested and have found it helpful.
We Catholics do have an exaggerated sense of
father. I remember being in Rome in 1978 during the interregnum
following the death of Paul VI and the free feeling many of us had -- of
actually being responsible adult Catholics. It was as if father was gone and we
had to fill in for him. The cardinals seemed to sense it, too. Then they went
off and elected a new father. There was rejoicing -- but in the process, we all
became children again. Can this be healthy?
In India I also had an opportunity to meet Siddharth, a man in his
70s. He had an impish temperament. His work calls upon him to encounter bishops
and cardinals.
Ive stopped all this Your Eminence, Your
Holiness nonsense, he told me matter-of-factly. To me
everyone is simply Brother or Sister. At first they
blink, but they adjust.
Siddharth encouraged me to enlarge my vision of God. He questioned
some traditional Catholic teachings including the idea of original sin. He said
it makes no sense to him in the wake of the Incarnation.
If Adam and Eve, mere humans, were responsible for all this
[sin], then wouldnt it stand to reason that Christ, the God-person, so
much more of an event, would obliterate it for all time? I simply dont
buy protoplasmic sin.
Sri Lankan Oblate Fr. Tissa Balasuriya got into trouble for
questioning original sin. Siddharth confided to me that he is a friend of
Tissas. It seems Siddharth has been influenced by Tissa. Or perhaps
its the other way around.
The larger point is this: The Asian psyche does not readily absorb
certain traditional Western religious ideas and, as a result, is apt to be more
questioning. As the Catholic church deepens its roots in Asia, as the universal
church goes global, somethings got to give. No hemisphere has the whole
picture of the divine. The difference is that the East understands this.
I cant yet explain why my trip to India, while deeply
disturbing at one level -- the level of the encounter with absolute poverty --
was comforting and uplifting at another, the spiritual realm. Someday I might
understand this. Ive returned altered, jarred, more hopeful. Im in
a new place. Maybe Ill stay here for a bit. Maybe theres really no
need to go.
Asians place talk of spirituality into the context of knowledge
and awareness. Im giving this some quiet thought. Meanwhile, Im
feeling much better about my Friend.
Tom Fox is NCR publisher. He can be reached at
tfox@natcath.org
National Catholic Reporter, March 16,
2001
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