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Books Collection crystallizes marital wisdom
I LIKE BEING MARRIED:
TREASURED TRADITIONS, RITUALS AND STORIES Michael J. Leach and Therese
J. Borchard, editors Doubleday, 224 pages, $19.95
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REVIEWED By EMILIE
GRIFFIN
One of my favorite romantic comedies is When Harry Met
Sally, a goofy love story written by Nora Ephron and directed by Rob
Reiner. What gives it its classic status and enduring edge? In part I think it
is the many brief interludes in which old couples tell how they first met and
fell in love. This funny technique cuts through some of the treacly sweetness.
Just like Billy Crystals nutty humor, the how we first met
episodes lend wisdom and a kind of authenticity to the film. One love story
(Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal) soon becomes every love story as the two who are
just friends discover that they are head-over-heels in love and
nothing short of matrimony will do.
I Like Being Married is a book that hits me with the same
kind of emotional wallop. Because its a sort of coffee table book, a
catalog-style assemblage of opinions and stories about marriage, filled with
journalistic bits like the Ten Best Songs About Marriage Youll Ever
Hear, the 10 best films about marriage, even the 10 top novels about
marriage, it would be easy to dismiss this book as merely cute or frothy. In
fact, the careful balance between light-touch elements and passionate personal
stories gives the book a surprising depth and readability. Many of the stories
are riveting. Some really difficult issues like interreligious and interracial
marriage are considered. But nothing is theoretical. Everything is
personal.
In their introduction the authors say: This book is a
patchwork quilt sewn with threads that bind couples who are famous and those
who live next door, threads of commitment that bind them as one. A good
marriage is a blanket of love that gives comfort, assurance and impulse to say
three of the most powerful sentences in the English language: I love you, Thank
you, and I do. The authors also seem to be out to prove a point, namely
that, in spite of its occasional bad press, marriage is an enduring institution
in the contemporary world.
Michael Leach is the executive editor of Orbis Books and a
lifelong professional in Catholic publishing. Therese Borchard is a widely
published author who writes about religious traditions for a modern audience.
Though their previous collaboration was the bestseller I Like Being
Catholic, and though Catholics are notorious for believing in the
indissolubility of marriage, this new book is not a theological treatment. The
closest the authors come to specifically religious content is when they include
the marriage vows of Christians, Jews and Muslims. A number of well-known
Catholics are among the contributors: Cokie Roberts, Paul Wilkes and Sidney
Callahan, for example. However, the wide-ranging snippets of commentary on
marriage include such unexpected names as Homer, Chaucer, Mikhail Gorbachev,
Queen Victoria and Elizabeth Barrett Browning. Love letters are included by
such notables as Winston Churchill and Martin Luther King Jr.
Some of the most engaging stories tell how a long-married couple
first met and fell in love. Blind Date by Colin Powell is a
delightful story of love at first sight. Similar stories are told by Rosalynn
Carter, Billy Graham and Ruth Bell Graham. Show business figures make
surprising appearances to testify to longstanding unions. Among them are George
Burns, Tom Hanks, Grace Kelly, Bob Hope, Paul McCartney and Celine Dion.
Jerry Stiller, the Jewish actor and comedian, tells the story of
his long-running marriage to Catholic standup comic Anne Meara, a union that
produced Ben Stiller. (Many will remember Bens movie, Keeping the
Faith, which celebrates Catholic-Jewish romance.)
Who would expect to find Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft as celebrity
bits in a volume like this? They make delightful cameo appearances.
One of the most moving essays is by Catholic writer and columnist
Sidney Callahan, who tells the story of how she and her husband, Dan, became
the caretakers of their grandson after the death of the babys mother,
their daughter-in-law. Though the Callahans had raised a brood of seven, they
had to learn parenting skills all over again. Another heart-tugging story is by
Christopher Reeves, who tells us how, after his accident, his decision to go on
living was tied up with a loving marriage. Some of the essays celebrate the
durability of marriage. Phyllis Tickles funny essay,
Squinching, comments on how her marriage came up with a funny new
wrinkle after 50 years.
In the last chapter, the editors put their own marriages into
dialogue. Michael and Vickie Leach offer A Married Couple Looks Back with
Love and Therese and Eric Borchard give us A Married Couple Looks
Forward with Hope. So, while I Like Being Married is not a study,
not an analysis, not a critique of marriage, it manages to crystallize a lot of
wisdom.
Also, on the off chance that youre planning a wedding,
youll find favorite readings, customs and wedding traditions all
collected for you. See Chapter Five.
Emilie Griffin, author of Doors into Prayer: An
Invitation, lives and writes in Alexandria, La. She has been married to
William Griffin for 38 years.
National Catholic Reporter, May 31,
2002
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