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Mom joins the convent; grown sons
cope
By JEAN GORDON
Two summers ago, Barbara Quinn, a 49-year-old Catholic
schoolteacher, told her 19-year-old son, Matthew, she had decided to quit
teaching to become a nun. Matthew hardly missed a beat. You cant do
that, he said. Youre a mother. He was wrong. Quinn had
already been accepted by the Sisters of Mercy in Rensselaer, N.Y., despite the
fact that she had two college-age children and had split up with their father
years earlier.
Quinn is part of a small but growing trend that may have a big
impact on Catholic ministries. As the number of single women with grown
children expands, and the number of young women who opt for convent life
shrinks, more mothers are becoming nuns. There is even a national organization
called Sister Moms that helps these women deal with issues like no longer
having a home to host Thanksgiving dinner and struggling to buy birthday gifts
on a limited budget.
You just establish new traditions, said Bea Keller of
the Sisters of Charity of Nazareth, the 61-year-old founder of Sister Moms, who
has six children and 12 grandchildren.
Though the Catholic church doesnt keep statistics on the
number of mothers among the roughly 600 American novices accepted each year,
their number seems to be growing. When Keller joined the convent 1991, she knew
of only one other sister mom. Today, the group boasts 165 members. These women
may be part of the needed boost to replenish the diminishing ranks of American
nuns, whose numbers fell to 78,000 from a 1965 high of 180,000.
Quinn, always active in her parish, Christ the King in
Guilderland, N.Y., began to attend religious retreats when her high school-age
sons decided to live with their father. In 1998, before Quinn left for
an eight-day retreat, she recalls her mother saying, Why dont you
go on a cruise and meet someone? Only people who want to be nuns go on
retreats. That playful admonishment, said Quinn, had the unintended
effect of causing her, for the first time, to consider religious life.
Within a year, she decided to join the women -- the Sisters of
Mercy -- who had taught her from kindergarten through college. She is the
Rensselaer Mercys first new member in 12 years.
They just felt so familiar to me, Quinn said. As a
Mercy candidate, Quinn taught second grade at Christ the King school -- her job
of 20 years -- but quit this summer to enter a Laredo, Texas, novitiate.
Quinn admits convent life has its challenges, like squeezing her
clothes into a 12-inch-wide closet. When interviewed, she was dressed in khaki
pants and Timberland shoes, and though the Mercys dont wear habits, Quinn
looked more like a friendly visitor than a resident. I think I represent
some hope to the community because they havent had a new member in so
long, she said. Nonetheless, she had to ease into a group of 13 women,
most of whom have lived together for 25 years.
Then I remember, she said, its not living
here thats religious life, its how you can serve other people
outside.
Quinns son Christopher, a hospital human resources associate
who lives near the sprawling Rensselaer convent, visited often while she was
living there. Younger son, Matthew, in the U.S. Air Force in Florida, is less
at ease. I think hes afraid hes going to lose me, Quinn
said.
Some religious communities are reluctant to accept mothers. They
dont believe a woman with children -- even grown children -- can commit
to religious life. Bernadette Counihan of the Franciscan Sisters of Christ the
Divine Teacher is vocation director in Davenport, Iowa. Five sister moms joined
the Franciscan community, but then left. Counihan said, Motherhood is a
life-long vocation and even when it seems to have been fulfilled, when the
children are grown and out of the house, the call to grandmotherhood can be
even stronger.
Like most nuns, Quinns preparation for her final vows
of poverty, chastity and obedience will take seven years.
Its almost like a long engagement period, she says. To
make sure it fits.
While living in a religious community entails a myriad of life
changes, the one change many onlookers focus on is giving up sex and romantic
relationships. In this regard, Quinn thinks mothers have things a bit easier
than their childless counterparts. We really do have the best of both
worlds, Quinn says. We have our family, and we have this
life.
Though religious life requires sacrifice, living with people with
whom one is emotionally, financially and spiritually connected has payoffs.
Louise Zaplinty of the Sisters of Charity of Cincinnati, widowed at age 44 and
now a 54-year-old mother of two grown sons, said, I wanted to stay
married for the rest of my life, but when my husband died, I was left a young
widow. The convent allows me to have connections with a whole bunch of people
-- and have support and love.
On a chilly January morning, Quinns second-graders lined up
outside her classroom in front of a brightly painted mural of
Noahs ark. She led the way to the schools church, where the
children filed into pews for Wednesday Mass. Minutes later, a teary-eyed girl
climbed into Quinns lap. Next, Quinn shuttled the girl, who was throwing
up, out of the church. While in the nurses office, Quinn missed the
priests sermon. He talked about how God calls people to do his work, and
no matter whether they feel equipped for the job, they should always answer the
call.
I cant think of it as an end, I have to think of it as
a beginning, said Quinn about the changes she has made since joining the
Mercys: the move out of her apartment, quitting her teaching job and reshaping
her relationships with her sons.
Though she is not yet a full-fledged sister, life as a religious
novice has shown Quinn the impact a sister can have. I think the fact
theres a vocation here and the kids can ask questions is good, she
said. A little fourth- grader said, My mother wanted me to be a
sister, but I wanted to get married, and, ooh, youve been married, and
now youre going to be a sister! Maybe I could still do that.
Quinn said that though she was happy she was a role model to the
9-year-old, she couldnt help but reply with a giggle, I dont
think youre supposed to do it in that order.
Barbara Quinn entered the Sisters of Mercy as a postulant in 2000,
will take her first vows in two years and will make final profession in
2007.
Jean Gordon is a freelance writer based in Brooklyn,
N.Y.
A sampling of womens religious communities that accept
women who have grown children:
Sisters of Mercy of the
Americas www.sistersofmercy.org
Sisters of Mercy, Albany,
N.Y. Sr. Helen Dillon (518) 437-3000
hdillon@stpetershealthcare.org
Sisters of Mercy, Detroit,
Mich. Sr. Mary Ellen Matts (248)
476-8000 memattsrsm@aol.com
Racine Dominicans, Racine,
Wis. Sr. Kathy Slesarop (262) 639-4100
ksop@execpc.com www.racinedominicans.org
School Sisters
of Notre Dame, Milwaukee, Wis. Sr. Marcie Solms (414) 220-9828
msolms@ssnd-milw.org
Sisters of Charity, Cincinnati, Ohio Sr.
Mary Kay Bush (513) 347-5471 SMKSfasc@beachlink.com
www.srcharitycinti.org
Sisters of St. Benedict, Ferdinand,
Ind. Sr. Anita Louise Lowe (812)
367-1411 vocation@thedome.org www.thedome.org
National Catholic Reporter, August 16,
2002
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